Self Improvement | Communication Skills - The Tips And Techniques ...

Andrew D. M.?-

Be a good listener!

When it comes to efficiently communicating with others, this is the most important tip there is. The world is full of people who try to attract others? attention upon themselves by talking out loud and a lot. I?m sure you know the kind of people who interrupt you mid-sentence so they can keep talking about themselves ?I know, right? Let me tell you more about my own experience!?.

When two people of this type interact, they never truly connect with each other, because they never give each other the chance to!

Besides, there?s a lot less people who truly know how to listen to others, and these are the ones that truly achieve amazing things socially. You?ll be impressed to see how strongly you can connect with someone when you learn how to really listen to what they have to say.

A good speaker is not the one who knows how to talk; it?s the one that knows how to listen!

The rule of 30-70 in communication

To help you get an idea on how a healthy and involving for both sides interaction should go, there?s the rule of 30-70. What it says is that, in order to achieve a natural interaction in which both participants contribute equally, you have to:

• express your own thoughts and ideas in 30% of the time;
• ask questions to challenge the other to express his own experience and ideas in 20% of the time;
• listen to what the other has to say in the remaining 50% of the time;

Obviously enough, no interaction is pure maths. A basic idea is that, in order for you to have a healthy interaction and not a monologue or a discussion that tends to resemble an interview, it is necessary that you challenge the other to express themselves. You have to imply them into the interaction, to listen and not interrupt them; you have to be genuinely curious about their person and what he or she has to say.

Think about how often you see two people trying to communicate, but transforming an interaction that should be fun and desirable in a battle for who has the most control over the conversation. Each of them trying to corner the other and establish superiority.

This kind of behavior reminds of two wrong types of communication, two types of people who are very wrong about the way they try to attract attention upon themselves.

There?s the one that is always talking, but never listens to what others have to say. This is the kind of person that wants to always be in control of where and how a conversation goes. Around this kind of people, you feel like you?d better not start any phrase or subject because you know you?ll be interrupted half-way by something like ?Yeah! I?ve been in the same situation too, let me tell you how it happened in my case?. These people usually have an inner need and they feel that by talking and always being at the lead, they can suppress it.

The second one is the ?know-it-all? type. He?s the one that?s too smart for the conversation, because he already knows everything there is to say. His frequently used phrase is ?I know!?, and he doesn?t have the patience to hear an entire idea before he starts thinking he is superior. He may let you finish what you have to say, but he won?t listen or be truly interested in it.

The ?know-it-all? starts from the premise that others are inferior to him, which is why most people try to avoid them. Nobody wants to be around this type of people, and they give up as soon as they figure who they?re dealing with.

Try out the rule of 30-70 yourself and see how your interactions will change for the better! Don?t be the type that is always talking and never lets others express their own ideas, but also try not to fall into the ?know-it-all? category yourself!

I?m Andrew, a former shy guy and also a very now-friendly and sociable person. I like to write about shyness and having a happy and fulfilling social life on my blog at The Shyness Cure!

Start improving your social life now! My free e-book ? An introvert?s secrets to having a happy and fulfilling social life ? is a great place to begin!

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